NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG 2

Please to be excusing me for being away since February. My touring committeements in Siberia was reason. Called in at Vladivostok to do a Swan Lake for my friends at the Sugar Plumbers and Cracked Nutter Operatives Union. Now I have piece of paper and pencil I can write to you what I have been doing about.
In last blog someone joked about me being measured for a four four rather than a tutu. So I made up poem about fourfour . It goes like this:
BRING BACK THE 2X2 ©Rude
Down town and country roads they roar
The huge and ugly -4x4
The highfalutin, high polluting Chelsea tractor
Oblivious of its fumes extractor
And now I see the bloke next door
Has gone and bought a 4x4
Should I join him-no I’ll wait
Till they produce an 8x8

You like my perfect Anglish, yes ? I can see you laughing your split sides off.

Let me tell you about my forefathers. My great, great, great, great,
great, great grandfather Ivan (he was really terrible) was a true ballet fan. He would have been 986 last Tuesday if he did not die prematurely. Poor man. He died in his sleep at a Rolling Stones concert.

As you know I am rehearsing for my one woman performance of King Kong-The Ballet
(Hollywood is interested).My producer Anatole Litzkovski thinks we should have a chorus of little King Kongs to run about the stage sinjing a silly song. Just the break up the monotony. – it does last five hours but London Transport have promised late night buses.

Demitri,my choreographer is looking for a dig or digs when there is more than one. If you can put up him pleased leave a message in a telephone kiosk if you can find one. He think Anglish linguage is funny. He went into a shop for a three piece suit and came out with a sofa and two chairs with arms. What is a DFS ? He thinks a syndrome is a very large brothel.

I am approaching Madonna, who is approaching 51, in view to term up like Darcy Bussell and that nice Wales girl. I will sing and she will dance. Glastonbury is interested.

All the big record companies are clamouring to sign me out for releasing my anthem “Hairy Fairy” Also portrait of me on same website. Hurry while I last. Can you name all mentioned in “Hairy Fairy” There are five favourite people in this song. All are singers except three.

. Time for more poetry. I went to join the Kirov (the ballet company)
But they told be to clear off
Then I discovered Smirnoff
Whilst working in a beer off
Clever eh?
I am not supposed to be singing as a ballet dancer but I won the Voice Of The Decayed contest in the Urals when I was only 38. Not bad eh?

Book now for my Covent Garden performance. I do street show next to jugglers and seal that does impressions. It left a bad impression on me. Bye from me and Isvestia to all and one. Nat.

Natasha Fallenover’s Blog N01

Please to read in Russian accentuate for best effect !

S’cuse my broken Anglish. I hope to get it mended soon. Let me say how nice I am to be able to speak to you all in my blogging.

Let me tell you about my very busy week. On Moonday morning I had to rehearse for my one woman prodiction of “King Kong-The Ballet”.It is such a demanding rollover . You should try being 40 foots tall sometime. Dimitri, my personality trainer is a dear. No, of course he does not have antlers. Silly
Playing a Kong King is very difficult in small theatres but I do get chance to sing the song my chum Tchaikovsky wrote for me, “Hairy Fairy” which I dedicate to my friends Darcy Bussell, Boy George, Lulu and Archbishop Tutu. No wonder they call me the voice of the decayed.

On Tuesday I popped in to Buckinghamshire Palace to collect my second Life Time Achieving Award ( I got my fist when I was just 4 years young). The Queen was out shopping so I had to do with Prince Charlie.

Wednesday I spent resting at my country home in Yorkshireham where I have row of tiny cottages with a walk through passage stretching the length of the village. I give ballet lessons to the miners with the help of the local useful lady, a delightful slut called Rusty Screw. You Anglish have some very odd names.

Thursday. flew to New York for talk with King Kong’s agent who wants me for his next prediction “Godzilla Meets King Kong And Opens a Ballet School”. I thought the title was too long so we shortened it to “King Godziller’s Ballet Boots”. Hollywood is interested but critics have noticed that I have put on some of the weight and suggested I be measured for a ThreeThree whatever that is.

Friday. On the plane back to UK met Anatole Litzkovski, the celebrated nonentity who I had never heard of. After a few vodkas we adjourned to the toilet to discuss, in private, details of a film he wanted to make. He had brought his little camera with him so how could I refuse. Hollywood is interested.

Saturday. My childhood friend Olga Korzitzov came for lunch. Dear Olga. We all called her Ripper at high school with good reason. She studied under Schnitenhausen although it was open to speculation as to exactly what she studied under him. But she always came away looking happy.

Sunday. Spent day relaxing but Olga phoned to say I should get measured for a four by four whatever that is. I may wait until they make me an eight by eight.

Yours friendly, Natasha